Chapter 11: Reconciliation
In the den of the beast, I had made a wager. Could I succeed, she would take that part of me tormenting the world. Should I fail, she would take everything else, leaving me nothing more than a memory in a terrible life. No sisters. No kin. No weapon. Just the past.
Clarity, a Silver Breath
Morning was an assault. I found myself thrashing about and hitting Davian in the face. So much had happened, and I hadn't been held by a man in over a year, and for a reason I couldn't name, I was horrified at the feeling, the smell, the sensation.
He was good-spirited around the bloody nose. I was embarrassed despite his loving reaction. Perhaps it was too soon to rush back into intimacy, even if my body longed for that closeness. My mind was still overrun with the horrors of everything I'd seen.
Everything I'd done.
When it felt appropriate, I raised myself from the bedroll we shared, dressed and wandered off into the city. No people, no thoughts, no fear, just me. It was still somewhat dark, and there wasn't much for activity. The capital was always slow to rise, but the sun was starting to brighten things, and the grey stillness turned my stomach.
I wasn't watching or processing any of it beyond the emptiness. Was there anyone still out there? Had the last few hours, the last sun, been some sort of sick dream? My breath caught. The air was thin. I didn't know where I —
A pair of arms wrapped around me just below the shoulders. Feminine but strong. Pale and mostly pristine, a few freckles making themselves the prominent feature of her complexion.
"You will get through this. You're not alone." I remembered her voice from all the times we'd gotten to know each other in all the cycles. Jasmin. "Even when you want to escape from everything, the world takes us when it's ready, and not a moment before. The terror has ended, Delia. Take a breath. Listen."
Forcing myself to comply, I nearly burst through her hold on me as I took an immense breath. Before breathing out, I took a moment to appreciate the silence for a moment longer. Except it wasn't silent. Children were crying. Couples were cooing at each other. Animals were making their little loving sounds at each other.
The impossibility of hearing all that almost broke me a second time before I remembered. "Goddess of Time and Space, destined to Misfortune," I whispered. "Is this what it's like for you all the time?"
"Only when I need clarity," she said back. "My world before being Jasmin was immense. But it was also catastrophically small. And as Jasmin before I met Roisin, that smallness became suffocating." She released her hold and spun me about like it was nothing. "Being around her, I started to notice all the beautiful things I hadn't been able to see before." She was fighting back tears. How? "And one sun, in Thornwood Hallow, I suddenly heard everything from Salora's perspective. It was humbling."
"I'm glad she did some good in the world," I said with a smile. "Even if she was a rascal most of her early life."
"She did so much good," Jasmin said softly. "And so did you. There will be moments when you feel like there's nothing, like all of this has been a hopeless dream. But listen," the sounds came rushing back, and I was everywhere at once, "and you'll hear just what the truth is. You'll count your success not in aeons or millennia, but in seconds and smiles."
"But what if it happens again?"
The question had been plaguing me in the back of my mind as I went through every cycle, felt every feeling, desperately tried to change it all, and failed. Over and again until the moment it all stopped.
"If it happens again? Well, then we learn how best to cope with the triggers." An odd darkness flashed across her eyes, like liquid emeralds flowing in, but then it was gone. "A world with people like us is a terrifying thing indeed."
"People like us?"
Jasmin looked away. "No one else knows this. You can't tell anyone, even Tenebra. Understand?" I nodded lightly. "Afina died once. And Salora lost her mind. She intentionally unwound time to save her. She did it a hundred thousand times until she found the perfect strategy to die in her wife's place." Her eyes met mine again. "I did the same for Roisin, but she was too clever by half. She saw through me every single time. Her death was the only outcome."
"A troublemaker through and through."
"Understatement."
We laughed with each other for a moment, and my whole body lightened for a moment. The first visible sunlight crept over a mornward hill, and I swore for a moment the sky was sapphire and silver before it went back to normal.
"My point," Jasmin continued, "is that you have someone who understands." She hugged me close, far too gently. "Even if my perspective is different, I get it. And I'll stand with you until whatever happens happens."
"Thank you," I whispered, not wanting to tarnish the beauty of the morning. "We should get back. Two little rascals will be looking for me soon."
Winter's First Frost
Snow was uncommon in the capital, even moreso in the twenty years before Roisin was taken, so said all the people who'd lived long enough to know the truth of that. In fact, no one could remember the last time the capital had seen even a flake.
If I were honest, I hadn't considered how rare snow was becoming in Powell's Square, but Davian pointed out that we hadn't even had a proper freeze since Sage's birth.
No one was prepared for the blizzard. They couldn't be. The calculus that would lead to a blizzard couldn't be reconciled to even the tiniest degree of clarity. But all the same, as we began eating breakfast after my talk with Jasmin, the sky went dark.
Almost no time was provided for us to prepare. One moment, the sky was brilliant cyan blue. The next, the temperature was dropping. And within minutes, we were seeing heavy flurries. Our mad dash from the rubble of the Violet Cathedral was tempered half with laughter and half with a dread of something worse.
Twelve bodies, mostly women, shuffled into the warmth of Kovar and Iron smithy, and we settled in for the coming storm. There were more than enough rooms and beds. There was more than enough food. But the space wasn't built for that many people long-term.
One of the smiths who was working stopped her hammering, probably for the first time that sun, and looked up, confused. "Is that," she stood and crossed the shop to Kovar where she lifted a small bit of white fluff off her boss, "snow?"
"Aye, and it is," Nico stepped in between, "and if you'll be wanting the arms of your beau this fair sun, you'll leave now. Not much time before we're buried in the stuff." She raised her voice and called to the others who were still working. "And that goes for the lot of you. Take the sun off. Go to your respective husbands, wives, spouses, personfriends, partners and what have you. Don't need you whinging ya won't be coddled for a quarter-moon."
The rush of the smiths past our group was as much a stampede as a retreat, and my heart fluttered with the passing. I'd never seen the place occupied with more than six on any given occasion, but that morning there were almost fifteen smiths pounding away. Likely to make up for Kovar's absence the previous sun, I reasoned. I'd need to apologise for that later.
"Do you really expect the storm to blow that badly, Ferni?" Tenebra looked concerned over something.
"Worse, iffen I'm an honest sort," she replied with a scowl. "Only place I've seen storms like this is far on the deimward coast. They settle in over a few minutes, then they beat you down an age or seven. Then when you think you're fair fairing, a second wind knocks you to your back."
Tenebra turned to Jasmin. The two women simply stared at each other for several seconds before Jasmin said aloud, "Truth be told, I can't see it. Up till now, I've seen far too much. Since the throne room, I —" Her eyes did that thing again, flooding green for a beat before returning to amber. "To call your natural state a curse is foolishness, but I count it a blessing I do not know what comes next."
"I jest told you, woman," Nico wasn't offended so much as confused. "This'll either be over in done before the sun, or it'll be a blanket of cold that holds us for an age."
"Apologies," Jasmin curtsied as only a courtly lady could, making her state of dress – an ephemeral flowing gown resembling something a bride might wear for her newlywed spouse – seem terribly absurd. "It was not my intent to offend the lady of the house."
Something sparked across Nico's face. Recognition? Fear? Anger? I couldn't place it at first, but then it settled into an odd sort of wonder when she didn't answer Jasmin and instead addressed Tenebra. "I know this is the lady what come in with blue-hair. But something whispers at me that you know this woman from elsewhere. Talk, Miss B."
"Ladies, wife, children, and Davian," Tenebra made a show of her announcement. It felt in bad taste, but she was an immortal goddess, so who was I to take this moment from her. "It is my esteemed pleasure, truly and honourably, to introduce you all to the Crown Princess Jasmin Natalia Eliana Thornleaf. Formerly Jasmin Hawthorne, the Lady Myrtia, descendant of Micah Emera and myself, and sister-in-law to our dear Delia 'Flux' Primrose," at the last, she gave me a questioning glance, to which I nodded as my heart ached.
Em's jaw dropped. Jasmin shoved Tenebra forcefully. "Stop it. The Crown Princess is dead. Long live Lafleur." An uncertain chuckle passed around the room. "This country doesn't need a queen or a princess or any other single person to rule it. This country needs people who care about each other."
"Jasmin," Em whispered the name, looking between Jasmin and Tenebra. They didn't know. "Deona, please don't tell me I've been alone —"
"Hey!" Nyx's expression was a mix of hurt and humour.
"— for five hundred years so you could protect our daughter's line. Without me." Em began to glow in a brilliant white cold-flame that would've scared the life from me if I hadn't seen what happened to them in so many cycles. White flame was a blessing, even if it did steal more heat from the room.
Nyx's hand found Em's shoulder. "You know she wouldn't have done it without good reason. Rather than being upset that she's gone, take a deep breath and look at it from her —"
"Oh shut up, you." Em threw Nyx's hand off of themself and closed the distance to Tenebra. "You are in trouble. For the next sevensun, you are not to touch me save in protection."
"As you say," Tenebra bowed her head, "so it shall be, my doll."
"Don't you 'my doll' me." They turned to Jasmin. "Come, great grandchild," they smiled, their cold-flame subsiding, "we have much to discuss about my wife."
Taking Em's hand, Jasmin mouthed a quick 'sorry' to Tenebra, and the two left for the upstairs.
"I deserved that," Tenebra smiled, "and it was much lighter a sentence than I deserve."
Nyx laughed a deep rolling sound. "They've gone soft in five hundred years putting up with my patience and Talia's terrible jokes."
"Hey!" Tal slapped her wife's shoulder. "You said you like my jokes! Same punishment for you then. You two," she pointed between Tenebra and Nyx, "think about what you've done." Tal stormed up behind the other two, only catching even brighter laughter from both Nyx and Tenebra.
"So as not to get myself in the same trouble," Kovar spoke up, turning to Nico, "I'll restart breakfast and work on a sleep arrangement. You can throw up your heels. Is there anything I can do for you, my love?"
Davian raised a hand as he studied Kovar's face. "I'd like to help if you don't mind, madam. You look like someone I know, and I'd love stories if you're who I think." Before following Kovar to the kitchen, he looked at me, his soft eyes warm and kind. "I'll not rush you to it, love, but a kiss just now would bring me immense joy."
Our lips met for the first time in far too long, and my heart skipped. This is the man I'd fallen in love with. And I really truly missed him. "Go help with food. Nico, Asha, Sage, and I will be busy sorting rooms. Nyx and Tenebra should help you two."
"And uhm," Vaelis spoke up for the first time in a while. She kept appearing out of the shadows. Even with the knowledge of all those cycles, I hadn't quite figured out how she did that. "Where would my hands best fall?"
"Go to Jasmin," Nico said with a smirk. "I'm sure there'll be some good stories. Miss B always told me her wife was an excellent storyteller."
And so the snow fell. And it continued to do so. And it didn't seem to be letting up. Eventually we understood that Nico's fears were well founded, giving us a greater appreciation for her swift action. As that settled in, so did we. Pans and whispers and blankets and laughter. The peace was brittle, but it was still peace. We would make it through in time.
If we didn't hate each other first.