Chapter 5: Reforged in Steel
She came and offered little comfort, my sister, but she was mine. The first gave me infinity, and my heart broke. My sister gave me clarity, and in breaking my soul, gave me the first path forward. The abyss seemed smaller now it had a bridge to carry us, together, into a true, terrifying, unknown. Oh, to be truly alive.
Alchemy of Time
I barely managed to focus on the deep black eyes looking into mine as I awoke. At first I was certain they belonged to Briar, and I instinctively pushed myself away. Terror gripped me until the colour faded to sapphire, and I recognised the face of Tal.
"Oh, Flux," tears were forming at the corners of her eyes, "sweet and beautiful. Cheated in ways you can't understand."
Nyx was standing by the door, her whole body blocking it from opening.
"Don't worry over her, sweet girl. She's standing guard. Keeping the others out." Tal stroked my hair gently. "You lashed out at Briar after you fell. Nearly gouged her eyes out. Kept screaming about killing someone."
My breath caught at Briar's name. "Please tell me I didn't hurt her."
The laugh that bubbled up from inside Nyx brightened the room substantially. "Even if you were whole and complete, Flux," she shook her head and stomped the door with a careful motion, "hurting that woman would be like fighting a cloud. I've heard stories from Tal that you wouldn't choose to believe."
I looked between the two women. They smiled awkwardly at me in a sort of confirmation. "Even so. I couldn't imagine hurting her."
Tenebra's voice came from the other side of the door. Back to the crisp confidence I knew. "I'm fine, Fluxy Mouse." Nyx kicked the door a second time. "I know, I know. Going."
"Any idea what made your brain crack back there?" Tal was back to business. "Any clue what might have triggered it?"
"I think it was something Em said," I tried to work my way through what happened. The noblewoman. Nyx holding her. Em leaning down to greet Tenebra. "That name she called Briar. I've heard it somewhere before."
"We'll forego repeating it, just in case. Is that why you looked so scared a minute ago? My eyes?"
"How did you do that with your eyes?"
"Perk of the trade, if I'm honest." Her eyes changed back to the onyx in obsidian they had been moments before. Terrifyingly empty. When they faded back to the sapphire, a chill gripped me.
"Are you and Briar related?" It was all I could ask.
"Sort of. It's complicated." She started moving her fingers about in the air in front of her. "She's like a mother to me. Or a very protective sister? Something like that? And one of my sisters was her first love, before she married Em, but after she and I became close, and that sister —"
"Yes." Nyx cut off the spiral nicely. "They're related distantly. As are Tal and Em. And as are Briar and I. It's a confusing intertwining of familial chicanery. Almost incestuous if it were any closer, really." Tal grabbed one of the pillows and threw it at her wife. "Oh. I suppose it can't be incestuous if we don't do that, can it."
When Nyx threw the pillow back at Tal, I swear it glowed white as it left her hands. Then Tal fell over me with the force of impact.
"You two are the absolute most adorable couple." They both blushed at that. "So, not to put a downer on this moment, but what about that noble woman. Amanita?"
"Oh," Tal grabbed Dasara and put her into my arms softly, "we took care of that. As she ran off, she suddenly remembered that she had important matters to handle in the ninth district, completely forgetting her meeting."
I sat with the words for a moment. "You four aren't normal people, are you?"
The whole house shook with Nyx's laugh.
"Understatement," Nyx said on recovering. "Just a few years ago, I was a baker in Greywatch Spire, neighbour to the heir of Tarys the Resolute, and quirky shut-in that most folks avoided."
"It's true. Awkward sod, she was," Tal provided. "Now look at her. Bigger than a mammoth beast, and twice as mean." We all giggled for a moment before Tal offered her own tale. "And I was a general store owner in a town you've never heard of. And Briar owned lakefront property in the middle of a jungle."
"And Em was a runaway from a dead goddess," Nyx added. "We've all got strange stories that make us who we are. Special, unfortunately."
"Meanwhile, here I am. Amnesiac woman from a town no one comes from, with a missing family, and a penchant for attacking my close friends." I held out a hand in greeting. "Nice to meet you. I'm Delia." My brows knit together. "Why did I say that?"
"We made progress after all. Good job, Flux," Nyx closed the gap and took my forearm in her hand. I mimicked the greeting as the door flew open and Em rolled through it into the room. "Though someone seems to have made no progress in offering privacy."
Em picked themself up and straightened their clothes. "Offer privacy and miss the enigma's solution eeking closer? Fat chance. Well, horse girl," they smiled, "you want to be Delia or Flux? Choice is yours."
"I only want to be Delia if that's who I am."
"Then we'll put that one in our pocket, and I'll make my wife apologise for upsetting you."
Tenebra's voice came from somewhere far away. "I would have anyway, Doll."
"One thing at a time," I sighed. "But thank you for the offer."
Guilty Verdict
I was fed twice before it got dark. Tal and Nyx stayed with me the whole time, sending Em to sit with Tenebra as I recovered a bit of my nerve. We settled on calling me Flux for a while longer. Delia was just another mystery, and my mind was too cracked and broken to trust it by then. When night fell, Tal and Nyx traded places with Nico, who curled up and held me close like she had several times when I was first recovering.
Sleep was off the table. Or off the bed. So I lay awake and I tried to process. Who was Delia before Delia, apparently, became Flux?
A sister. A wife. A mother. Twice. A daughter of an unknown town. A friend to strange women of all shape, colour, and size. Gold-flame cold-flame, quick healing quick witted, doll loving, probably failed cook. Complicated, simple, and a wonder unto herself.
It seemed fairly straightforward, really.
And who was Flux? A stablehand. A stray. Friend to strange women of all shape, colour and size.
Some things didn't change, it seemed.
I heard Nico's breath level to sleeping, and I moved her arm off of me to properly have a look in the mirror. My gold cold-flame gave an unsettling aura to my reflection. Something not quite woman, but much less than more than woman. I got a bit dizzy with the thought process and sat down with my back to the door.
"Flux?" Tenebra's voice was soft and worried.
Several seconds passed before I replied. "Briar. Mara. Alita. A name for every moment. A moment for every face. A face for every name." I took a deep breath after the half-hearted attack. "Tenebra. The darkness at the edge of a dream." Another deep breath. "Deona. Warrior wife of the warrior with flames for hair and opals for eyes."
"There's a lot more, but I suppose now's not the time."
"Not even a little."
"I know you're terrified. And I know why."
"Because you're the reason I'm in this mess?"
"Not exactly."
"No riddles." I tapped my head on the door. "Or else I throw myself from the window."
"I didn't recognise you when we met," she said it softly. "That much is my fault. I should've known better than to poison them while I was driving. Should've done it while we were stopped for rest."
My breath hitched. "Poisoned whom?"
"Magnia and Montgomery. The terror didn't do it. I did." She paused, giving me time to process. "I was going to do it regardless. You were collateral damage. I thought you dead."
"You know who I am."
"I've known on some level since we met, but I couldn't place it."
"A Thorn. A Leaf. Prim and Rosy."
"Your father was a good man before the capital took him." She sighed loudly. "Your mother was a good woman before they broke her. They were the city's first real sign of hope since Iron started her networks."
"The Heroine and her Shield."
"Precisely." I heard a foot tapping. "You have a family still. Just not them." She started humming the song from Blue Stone. "They're safe. And they're living in peace in a town no one's heard of. Well, except your sister."
A sharp inhale caught partway in my throat.
"Oh. Sorry. She's safe too. I think." A long moment passed. "I need to apologise for at least three things. If you hate me afterward, I'll disappear. I'm good at that."
"Let you off easy? Fat chance." I knocked my head on the door twice, very gently. She knocked back. "First, for leaving me for dead and causing the accident that should've killed me."
"Exactly. I'm sorry I nearly killed you twice with a single action." A light sop seemed to hitch in her voice. "Second, for scaring the ever loving life out of you earlier. Even if it wasn't my fault, it was my fault. I was desperate to hear my name from my wife's lips. I'm sure you can understand. I've been working with Koko and Fer for so long, and I hadn't seen her in all that time. Longer even than you can know."
"What's the third thing, friend?"
"I framed your sister. Partly to cover up my own actions. Partly to protect your family." She took a laboured breath, stuttering as she pulled it in. "Partly to spur on your sister's next move."
My eyes burned again. "I gathered."
"I'm sorry. I messed up." She was actively sobbing. "If I had known, I would've done so much so differently. If I had been better at my job, I'd have known you were you," as she spoke, I slid out of the way of the door, "and I could've told you much sooner who you are."
As I unlatched the door, her weight pushed it open, and I pulled her to rest her head in my lap. "I'm still a bit scared. I don't remember any of it. But we can start over here. Hi there beautiful. I don't know who the hells I am. People call me Flux, but I think my name might be Delia. I think I have a husband and two kids and an annoying kid sister who might be a criminal."
"Hello, Flux," still sobbing, but trying to smile. "My name is whatever you want it to be. But for people I trust the most, I tell them my name is the tip of the huntress's arrow. Save my wife and her best friend. They call me Deona. And my sisters call me a pain. And I know who you are. And I would be honoured if you would forgive me and let me help you recover your past."
"It's nice to meet you, pain. I think I'd like to call you Tenebra."
"You're a good woman, Delia Primrose," she said the name with such ease. "Your sister should be in awe of your skill for forgiveness."
We stayed for a long time like that as sleep finally found us both. I was glad for the exhaustion of understanding. It served me well, even if knowledge was a horror.
At the last, it was just me, the wall, the floor, her weight in my lap, and the grey light of an early dawn sun that lulled me to sleep. Everyone else's concerns would wait. The world could let us have this.