Chapter 7: A Frayed Knitting
We drew distant, the first and I. A love still lingered, but she belonged with another. The end began. One after another fell until there was no one. My family, my sister, my friends. All gone. Only I remained. And staring once again into the abyss, I knew I could not do it all again. They could do without me.
Failure Recalled
Ten moons since I awoke in that patch of gold flowers. Forty sevensuns since I walked the path of crimson and ivory. Most of a year since Kovar took me in. After all that time, Dasara was missing. I'd kept her safe so long, and now she was gone.
It was a gradual recognition of loss, finding that she was missing. I awoke like normal. I rolled from the bed, barely prepared for the coming sun. I did the necessaries. The black dress fit snugly, as normal for a sun working in the smithy. The apron and golden sash did their duty diligently.
Breakfast was hot and perfect. The light joined us slowly as we all began to brush off the weight of sleep. Tenebra didn't stop by, which was unusual and served as the first sign of trouble. Nyx arrived with the chiming of the first bell and asked for a chance to blow off steam.
I thought she meant to spar with Kovar, but instead, she pulled out an odd little flower. Or a hammer? Or a weapon? It shifted before my eyes before settling on something like a smith's hammer. The same as that tattooed on all of Kovar's associates. She set to work pounding metal, but it wasn't the forceful clash of a blacksmith.
Ting ting ting. The gentle strokes of a silversmith or a jeweller. She was masterful.
"What is wrong with Nyx?" I whispered it to Nico, concerned but unwilling to interrupt. "I've never seen her so severe."
"Tal and Em are missing. No word in almost three moons," she said softly. "They should've reported back from The Stone at least three sevensuns past."
Something tickled my awareness. I tried to brush it off, and we went back to work.
"It's not like them," Nico eventually sighed, "at least not as far as Miss B says."
"They seem like they talk a lot, like communication is second-nature." My hands felt empty in a way I couldn't quite place. Like I was lacking a piece of clothing or jewellery. "Three sevensuns? How long does the journey take?"
"Shortest route? About a moon. Longest reasonable route? About three moons." She set about some calculating. "They wouldn't have gone the long way. The Thicket is an ugly place. Their message wouldn't have gone that way either."
"They've been gone, what, three moons now?" I was trying to get my head around it all myself, but I kept feeling like I was missing something. "Perhaps they were waiting for something."
"Ko! Honey!" Nico's voice rang out, almost a screech. Kovar was at her side almost instantly. "Is it possible those two were waiting for The Rose?"
As she spoke, Kovar's voice shook the space around us, despite her soft tone. She apparently wanted to be sure Nyx heard. "Well, I suppose. She is the key to everything. Maybe let's give it another sevensun."
The sound of Nyx's hammer stopped. "They're probably fine. But Tal promised she'd send on some local fruits when they arrived."
Kovar's laugh made my heart leap. "Is that what you're on about? They're under cover, woman! Your wife and Miss B's are both trying to go unnoticed. I don't think 'oh carry these to the capital for me please' would go well with hiding out."
My feet were carrying me up the stairs at once, no time spared waiting for the others. Shouts of "Flux, wait!" found me as I made it to the second landing. Heavy footfalls carried on behind me as I reached the third. There was something I'd forgotten.
I tossed everything. The blankets, the pillows, the sheets. Where was it. What was it? I had little more than a passing awareness that it was important, so I just kept going.
The room was a shambles when my hand finally landed on the card, wrinkled and a bit torn, that bore the message. Everyone else had stood just outside the doorway to watch. Nyx, Kovar, and Nico. I only hoped they wouldn't hate me.
"A message came. A sevensun or so ago. In the middle of the night." I fought back the tears. "When I woke up, I barely had the mind to realise it was important. And then I fell back to sleep." My voice caught. There was no way they didn't hate me. "They arrived. The Rose is there. They're working to get her ready, though I don't fully know what that means."
Nico closed the gap between us and took the card. After a moment without speaking, she pulled me close. "It's okay Flux. This is good news." I felt her twist to look over her shoulder. "Your wife's fine. It's signed Em, but the handwriting looks like Miss B's, so I doubt Em wrote it."
Kovar and Nyx breathed an intense sigh. "That's good news, I suppose," Nyx said softly.
"My question," Kovar pushed her way in and took the note from Nico, "is why the note came to Flux and not to Miss B or to me. Riddles inside questions inside concerns, truly."
"Well, in any case, there's not much to do but wait," Nyx had mostly recovered, but there was still some tightness in her words. "No one can help The Rose better than Em and the people of Blue Stone. That's how this is done. We have little to do but prepare." She started picking things up and moving about the room, reorganising my mess. "And perhaps our dear Flux will take me about town and buy me some local fruits here."
I set about the task of working with her to clean up the space. "In terms of money, I have no money," I giggled at myself, "but I am happy to go with you and help you pick out fruits to buy."
Kovar left to return to her work in the smithy. Nico, Nyx, and I kept moving about and straightening the mess. When at last the space was back to normal, Nyx was the one to say it. "I can't help but think something is missing in here. A pop of colour or something equally important."
Nico took in the space for a few seconds. "You're right. As full as it is, there's a certain emptiness to it. Almost like it's not quite home." She walked around, poking and prodding various points of interest, eventually looking back to me. "Hmm. Flux, love. Is everything alright?"
"What?" I met her eyes, and she tilted her head to really take me in. "I think so?"
"Then why are you hugging yourself like that?"
I hadn't noticed my hands wrapped tightly about my midsection. Like I was hugging something that wasn't there. I hadn't noticed the utter emptiness of everything. What was wrong with me.
"Dasara," the word was a whisper and a mournful weep. "Where's Dasara?"
Rebuilding Anew
I know I survived. I know the light returned. I know Dasara did not. But I was okay. I would survive. I would find a new focus. Eventually, things would be alright.
The words became an echo, repeated to keep me grounded, internalised to remind me of my place. Nico started the process. I almost slapped her for the suggestion, but she was right. I needed something to keep me from breaking down in the absence of my only true anchor to life.
Nyx called it a mantra. Kovar called it a tic. I called it a lifeline.
Each sun, I found myself in the same hole. Each breakfast, I repeated the words. Each time, I felt a bit more stable. It was only a matter of time, right?
The others around the smithy gave me a wide berth. They humoured my repetition of the words, but I was certain they didn't see much value in the habit. If I were honest with myself, I had to admit I didn't either.
One sun, I awoke, and things were moving forward again. I wasn't whole, but I wasn't so empty anymore. I couldn't say why. But there was a certainty something good had come for me. A sweet scent floated in from somewhere far off. I knew it well. Queen's Heart, which I'd heard Nyx call silverthorn.
A tear fell as I remembered the face of a long lost child. Not my own child. One of the town guards. Their daughter had fallen into a bramble of silverthorn. The poison was vile, leaving black and silver streaks all over her body. Disgusting as it was to do it, the town used her funeral as a lesson for the other children. Roisin was five years old, the same age as the other girl.
Roisin. The name felt like love on my lips. My sister. Brown hair, brown eyes, the build of a waif. A joke on her tongue every time her mouth opened. A scamp and a troublemaker, but family.
I had remembered her. Not because of something anyone told me, but as a truth deep inside me.
That was the sun Arian Indra arrived in Violet's Repose with her wife. I had returned to the stables for steady work. Being with the animals was healing. When I returned to the smithy that night, I learned a heroine had arrived. Not the heroine, but a heroine. The Rose. The long awaited final piece of the puzzle.
A Silver Thorn
"You're the one married to the girl they call Ferrite, aren't you?" Her shining amber eyes were captivating. Were I that sort of woman, I would be instantly drawn to her. Her form and figure were exquisite, enough to make me jealous.
Arian Indra. She was gentle but sharp. Quick to get to the point and eager to get to the heart of every interaction. She was terrifying to behold, and I couldn't quite put a finger on it. Something like if Tenebra and Nyx were meshed into a single dread beast and painted in perfect beauty.
She and her wife had been in town for a few sevensuns. I'd seen her out each sun, travelling about the area in search of information. She'd visited nobles I'd never heard of. The library called to her like a siren. And at the end of each sun, she'd stop in, check on their horses, and then return to the Maiden before her wife finished running errands.
Ferrite, meanwhile, was out before the sun and back well after. Running errands for Kovar. She was travelling under the name Omela. Like the Heroine. Arian was travelling under a feminised version of Omela's husband's name. Omela the Heroine Returned and Tarana her Eversturdy Shield. They were to be Kovar's catalyst for the coming revolt.
Everything was going exactly as planned.
Well, not quite everything. Tenebra was still missing. As were Em and Tal. Nyx had made almost two hundred beautifully stunning silver pieces. I'd sat with her a few times and learned a bit of the trade.
"I am," she smiled, blushing slightly. Most of her hair was in a wrapping and hood similar to the one worn by Tenebra, but a shock of silver hung down. "Kovar tells me you've lost yourself. Flux, yes?"
"That is what they call me." I couldn't help smiling at her brightly flushed cheeks. "Tell me, what shall I call you, and have you and your wife been married long?"
A sputtering began that I quite enjoyed. She was just as ordinary and in love with her wife as all the women I'd met in the last year. "Uhm. Well. Jas. Call me Jas. Can't very well use any of my other aliases until Kovar is ready, right?"
"Well Jas," I giggled at her reaction, "that's one answer. How about the other?"
"Oh! Right!" She began calculating something in the air with a finger lit in a soft green glow. "Were she to tell you, it's been about a year we've been married. The truth is far more interesting." She kept doing her figures. "So, if you account for all the weirdness, we've been officially married for around seven hundred fifty-three thousand two hundred eighty-six moons." Her face scrunched up terribly for a moment. "Though I suppose that depends if she remembers all the weirdness. I know she remembers some of it, but just how much."
"All that time, and you still blush?"
"Have you seen the woman?" Her question was a shout. Everyone near the stables stared for a moment. "She is the star the goddesses forgot to hang in the night. She's the moon's more beautiful sister. She's a sapphire cut to perfection."
The description was heartbreaking. I longed for Roisin to find a love that strong, that pure.
"I've not. You should bring her by some sun. I stay at the smithy with Kovar, but I work hear every sun. It keeps my hands busy and my mind occupied."
"Perhaps tomorrow, Flux. It's good to properly meet you." She turned to go, taking a few steps before remembering something and coming back. "I was doing something. Can I get her horse? I have a big errand this sun. Long ride. And my horse is a bit cantankerous."
"Sure thing, Jas."
Quicksilver Poison
I didn't see Jas for a few suns after that, but when she returned, it was every single sun. Simple interactions.
"Good morning, Flux. Remember anything?"
"Flux, did you see what Ferrite was wearing last night when she came back to the Maiden?"
"I've found a book you might enjoy, Flux! Wait. Do you read?"
Someone must have noticed her affinity for me because they began sending messages for her through me. Each sun as I left Kovar and Iron, Nico gave me a stack of messages to hand off to informants and operatives. When the messages began including Jas, she started coming by more than once a sun.
This wouldn't, in itself, be too terribly interesting, but one sun a different sort of message arrived after I went to the stables. It wasn't the standard seal or the standard paper. It was heavy. Sealed with gold wax. A brilliant silver ribbon tied about its centre.
I couldn't say who they were, but the soul who put it in my hand was obviously a noble.
"You regularly find yourself in the company of the cur called Arian Indra, yes?" Their voice was acidic. Rage-filled. They couldn't imagine or accept the indignity of talking to me.
"I believe I know a woman by that name."
"Excellent. Take this. Do not open it. Give it directly to her and no other soul." The moment my hand touched the message, the person turned on their heels and stormed off.
Not much time passed before Jas arrived. She didn't speak when I handed her the message.
"You okay there, Jas?"
"Hmm?" She was just staring at the rolled bit of heavy parchment. "Oh. No. I'm not okay. Who gave you this?"
"A strange soul who looked a bit like a peppercorn."
That caught a laugh from her. "I see. Then I suppose I'm out of time."
"For what?"
She broke the seal and untied the ribbon. She read it allowed as she unrolled the parchment.
To Her Highness the Royal Princess Jasmin Natalia Eliana Liatris, Daughter of Queen Lavender Lillian Lisan Liatris, fortieth of the noble House Liatris of Lafleur.
You are cordially ordered to attend an audience with Her Majesty the Queen.
On invitation extended to your royal self and your consort, the Lady Omela of Blue Stone, you are to proceed directly to said audience on the seventh sun of the tenth moon of the seventeenth year of Her Majesty's reign, to be held in the throne room of the Violet Cathedral.
We stood together in a stunned silence when she finished.
"You're a princess?"
"Funny. My wife reacted the same way when she found out."
"You're the princess? She's supposed to be dead."
Jas smiled at that. "Yes. Yes I am. They even had a funeral for me."
"Are you going to go?"
She rolled up the parchment and handed it back to me. "Do whatever you want with this. I'll see you tomorrow. If we never see you again after that, it has been nice getting to know you, Flux."